End of the season

Emptiness. Done. Now what? Lost and confused. Disappointed and crying. Helplessness. Anger. Silence. Celebration. Hugging. Elation. Energy. 

These emotions are captured in a picture taken at the end of game 5 between the Phillies and Cardinals in the National League Divisional Series. As the focus of the picture, Phillies first baseman, Ryan Howard is on the ground a few steps from home clutching his achillies tendon while to the left, the Cardinals are celebrating their win around their pitcher, Chris Carpenter at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia. This picture perfectly captures the moment because the Cardinals eliminated the favored Phillies, are rallying around each other while Howard is helpless on the field, ending the Phillies season and injured. At that moment, Phillie fans were crushed. The home crowd, stunned, exited Citizens Bank Park for the last time in 2011. Ryan Howard will be rehabbing his achillies tendon the next time baseball is played in Philadelphia.

While watching Game 5, I had flashbacks to 9 days earlier when the Red Sox lost on the last day of the regular season and missed the playoffs. I was sitting on my bed trying not to move or jinx the team. I tried to be positive about the situation, sit still during tense moments, and try to send my positive energy to the players. Yes, I know, that probably sounds crazy, but even though I was nervous, I was trying to stay positive as the game wore on. 

The Red Sox led Baltimore the whole game. After the rain delay, things started to fall apart, but the Sox still had the lead. In the bottom of the 9th, in a split second, everything changed. Just one hit off of Papelbon by Andino and the Sox lost. Again, elation and shock on the diamond. At the time, I didn’t believe Joe Castiglione because the Red Sox were supposed to make the playoffs. How could they collapse in September? If they made the playoffs, could they be competitive? They had some of the best hitters in baseball. They were preseason favorites to make the World Series against the Phillies. Now, all I could do was root for the Yankees to beat the Rays. After a tough loss, how I had to root for the Yankees who were tied with the Rays in extra innings. The game was on ESPN and 20 minutes after Papelbon blew the save, Evan Longoria took Scott Proctor deep and just like that, the Red Sox season was over. Boom. Done. The Rays advanced to the postseason after their hot September, coupled with the Red Sox epic collapse and thanks to Boston’s arch rival. I was stunned, disappointed, confused and upset. I kept telling myself, “at least I had one team in the playoffs” to ease the pain. I took all of my energy and focused on the Phillies. I couldn’t think about the Red Sox, Francona or the team. I had to ignore them for a few days because every time I started reading about the offseason, I started to cry and I haven’t moved on yet.

Game 5 in Philadelphia. Halladay-Carpenter. Baseball fans and the media couldn’t ask for anything more. One team goes home, the other moves on. Elimination games are always exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. There were no signs of a pending Phillies collapse other than “luck.” Somehow, each time the Phillies hit the ball, it would find Nick Punto or another Cardinals fielder. Carpenter pitched a complete game shutout while Halladay only gave up 1 run. 1 run, and I kept reminding myself of that. Similar to the Red Sox, in a split second the season ended. Howard made contact, started to run and collapsed, resulting in a groundout and a ruptured achillies tendon. Boom. Done. Season over. Shock. Confusion. Tears.

After every season, I’m always disappointed. However, this is the first time that I remember crying. There I was, sitting on my bed, with tears rolling down my cheeks and short breaths. Both of my teams were out, both collapsing and favorites to play in the World Series. There are a hundred questions surrounding both teams and a long offseason to watch it all play out. 

Later I realized why I was so upset. Baseball was my one constant since moving. There was always a game on after running, dinner or work. Baseball was a piece of home that I was holding onto while settling into my new life. I could place my “new life” on hold for a few hours each night and unwind watching the game. Now, there are hockey games every few nights, but it’s still not the same. I can’t tune out the “real world” anymore. I am faced with a new transition, “real world without baseball” in a new setting. It’s going to take a bit to figure this part out without becoming emotional. 

Quote: “It’s hard to win a pennant, but it’s harder losing one.”- Chuck Tanner